


OMG, they were Zoommates!

by Kore88



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: AU, Eventual Romance, Good Omens AU, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), It's a Good Omens Lockdown AU, Lockdown Fic, M/M, Mutual Pining, Quarantine, Slow Burn, and they were zoomates, and they were zoommates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:15:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23949733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kore88/pseuds/Kore88
Summary: A video-conferencing, lockdown AU.Social distancing video calling coworkers to friends to lovers
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 28
Collections: Good Omens Celebration





	OMG, they were Zoommates!

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [this Tumbr post:](https://ao3commentoftheday.tumblr.com/post/613719965388947456/of-course-i-love-and-they-were-quarantined-but)
> 
> "Of course I love ‘and they were quarantined’ but take a moment and consider 'and they were videoconferencing.’
> 
> Two people who meet for the first time while social distancing. They work in different departments or in different cities. At first they’re dressed business casual and keeping things professional. Then one day a pet appears and conversation gets casual.
> 
> They start sharing tips for how to exercise in a tiny apartment. They commiserate over the lack of favourite foods or activities. It turns out they were both going to go to an event that is now canceled.
> 
> Eventually, they’re both in their pajamas. Work day is done, but their call has now moved to the evening. They cook the same meal, stream a movie together. When will this lockdown end?
> 
> So much potential for pining. So many longing looks. Social distancing video calling coworkers to friends to lovers."

Crowley checked the e-mail for what was probably the millionth time that morning. He knew what time the zoom meeting started, had already tested to make sure the link worked and everything. Still, he couldn't shake the need to check the time listed in the e-mail again. Just to be sure. Just like every other time he read the email he couldn't help reading Bea's parting shot at the bottom.

IF YOU EVEN THINK OF WEARING YOUR SUNGLASSES DURING THIS ZOOM MEETING SO HELP ME I WILL BREAK SOCIAL DISTANCING TO COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND RIP THEM OFF YOUR FACE MYSELF!!!!

He briefly wondered what having a boss who was remotely supportive or understanding would be like before he sighed and decided he may as well give into the inevitable. The meeting was ten minutes away, so he should probably take his glasses off now. Give himself some time to adjust. Otherwise he would start the meeting looking like he was a small child who had just discovered blinking for the time and was eager to show off their new skill to every person they met. He carefully turned the brightness down on his array of monitors, before removing his glasses. He folded them, placing them behind him. A spot calculated to be out of sight of the webcam, but within easy reach so he could put them back on as soon as this whole meeting business was over with. They were also deliberately placed out of his eye line so he was less likely to put them on out of sheer habit during the meeting.

He needed to find something to occupy himself before the meeting started otherwise he was highly likely to stand up and start pacing his office. He thought he could see a slight droopiness to the leaves of one of his Codiaeum Variegatum from across the room, and he itched to go over and make sure. Maybe the plants needed a firm reminder of the consequences of under performance. He was almost out of his chair, before he recovered himself and slouched back down. That would be just like him. To get himself ready for a meeting so early that he got bored, started doing something else and made himself late.

He checked his monitor set-up again. The zoom call would be visible on one of his most central monitors, and the Elysium company website was loaded onto the one closest to it. The webcam was carefully placed between the two, so he should be able to sneakily refer to the website without it being too obvious. He looked at the 'about us' page again, wondering which of the smarmy, pretentious gits would be in the meeting with them today. Seriously did this company have a dress code that required their senior management to dress only in the most boring beige and grey suits known to man? Or maybe they were given a course on how to dress to the unassuming company standard. Probably right before the course on how to perfect the self-righteous, condescending smile they all seemed to be wearing in their photographs. He'd read that this was a family business, but the similarity in expression was just uncanny. Maybe the family resemblance was actually that they all had the exact same stick up their ass.

He honestly had no idea what this meeting was even meant to be about. He couldn't work out what this sanctimonious health food company was doing talking to their dirty little app development platform anyway. Sure Pandemonium was quickly crawling its way out from the depths of internet obscurity to be a major player in the app development world; But Elysium Incorporated was well established, respectable, a 'family run' business built on old money. They had legions of devoted customers who were known to expound endlessly about the virtues of the Elysium healthy living lifestyle to any poor sap they could get to listen. The website even referred to them as followers instead of customers. When Crowley had read that he had rolled his eyes so hard he was surprised he hadn’t given himself a headache. Surely a company like this would do any app development in house, or at the very least go to one of the bigger companies. One that made actually useful apps, instead of the endless parade of near-identical, time-wasting games Pandemonium churned out. 

The higher ups at the company were all in a tizzy over this though. Throwing around phrases like 'wonderful opportunity', 'this could open new doors for us', 'exciting business partnership' and 'if anyone messes this up they will be fired faster than you can say the word app.' He still hadn't worked out whether he should be pleased or terrified about the fact that he had been asked to join this meeting. He had been so surprised when they had told him about the project over the phone that he had blurted out an in impromptu

"Why me?"

"Because you've earned it Crowley." Had been the response, sounding particularly ominous over the Bluetooth speakers in his Bentley. [1]

Maybe he shouldn't have spent so much time patting himself on the back for those new style adverts he had thought up. The really annoying one's where they had a selection of actors from different stereotypes all read the exact same garbage about how everyone in their family was playing this new game. Honestly it had been some utter drivel he had written as placeholder, fully expecting it to be replaced with something that had actually had some thought put into it. But then they had gone ahead and used it, and now it was being spouted back to him by a selection of generically attractive ladies whenever he needed to re-start a level on their annoyingly addictive bubble popping game. He sighed, maybe he did deserve this.

With exactly two minutes to spare, Crowley clicked the link for the zoom call. Trying not to drum his fingers on his desk as he waited for the host to allow him into the meeting. He anxiously checked his appearance on the webcam. Having a focused view of his own face for such an extended period of time was just exhausting. He tried to keep his attention on everyone else on the call instead. His colleagues were looking more formal than useful. Evidently like him they had all decided Bea's demand for more formal attire meant wearing some kind of dark coloured blazer type jacket. If he hadn't already known who worked for which company it would have been easy to tell them apart instantly. Seriously what were these people doing on a video call with the like of Hastur and Ligur. [2]

Crowley realised he hadn't actually been listening to any of the talking so far, too busy judging everybody on their fashion choices. He tried to pick up the flow of the conversation, hoping if anyone addressed him he could blag his way into acting like he had any idea what was happening. He looked round the videos to see who was talking at the moment and realised it was a particularly smug looking guy from Elysium. If Crowley hadn’t known from his research that the nomenclature of Gabriel was actually this guy’s name, he would have assumed it was just a very weird choice of Zoom username. Gabriel was in the middle of what seemed to be a very long speech about the importance of reputation and public image in these trying times. Crowley wasn’t sure what this had to do with anything, but at least it was easy to feign interest with a couple of well-timed nods.

The speech was interrupted when a late comer joined the call. Crowley wondered who else from Pandemonium was meant to be joining and how fired they were going to be for daring to be late. He had to resist the urge to lean forward and squint at the new video window. The picture quality was noticeably terrible compared to everyone else in the call. Still he could see enough of the guy to realise it must be someone from the other side. The guy appeared to be wearing a beige suit and was that an actual bow-tie he could just make out?

"Good of you to join us Aziraphale" one of the other Elysium suits said cutting in to Gabriel’s speech "especially as this little project was your idea"

Crowley resisted the urge to wince, sure his colleagues at Pandemonium were dicks, but even they wouldn't resort to such passive aggressive criticism in front of other people. They would wait so they could properly enjoy yelling at you in private. He found himself immediately feeling sorry for this Aziraphale character.

"I'm terribly sorry to have kept you all waiting. You know me Michael, got caught up reading as usual. Lost track of the time, I'm afraid."

Huh, so maybe the shelves full of old looking books behind Aziraphale were real and not just a zoom background as Crowley had been supposing. It certainly made a contrast to the sleek, white offices the rest of the Elysium staff seemed to be sat in.

"Right well, if we can get this meeting back on track" Gabriel said with a slight tone of annoyance, before relaunching into his speech. Clearly he had decided they had all spent enough time doing something that wasn't listening to him talk.

Around ten minutes later he had finally got to the part which explained why they were all suffering through this zoom meeting today. It turned out they were hoping to make some kind of charitable outreach app. Users played a game, to earn some kind of points that could then be used to 'purchase' food packets to be sent to people that needed it. It was at that point that Gabriel had hesitated for the first time.

"Who is it you were suggesting we give food to again Aziraphale?" The other man jumped as if he was not expecting to be addressed. "Malnourished children, or un-employed poor people who can't afford our food normally something like that?"

Crowley saw the frown flicker across Aziraphale’s face before it flashed back to a neutral polite expression. Blink and you would miss it, but the air or disapproval had definitely been there. Crowley was beginning to like this Aziraphale.

"I was just saying Gabriel that given the situation at the moment, we could be using our resources to help provide food for those who are struggling. That we could maybe work with some Foodbank organisations like the Trussel Trust to help supply healthy food. But I did mean we could just donate, rather than … "

"Yes that was it. Russel's Trust or whatever" Gabriel interrupted "I'm sure I can leave you to make the actual connections with them Aziraphale, you'll fit right in with those bleeding heart types."

The thing with a video conference is that it made it easy to see exactly how everyone reacted to something at the same time. So it was all too easy to spot the way amused smiles appeared across the faces of various members of the Elysium staff. It was even easier to spot Aziraphale’s reaction. Looking down as he if was small child being chastised for daring to try and interrupt whilst his elders were speaking. Crowley was not a violent person, but he found he suddenly wanted someone to punch that smug look right off Gabriel’s face. He wondered where this sudden surge of protectiveness had come from. Surprised by his desire to speak up and defend this stranger.

The meeting continued after that. Some of the Pandemonium staff finally being given the chance to talk as the discussion turned to some of the features of the app itself. Apparently the plan was to fund the app with Pandemonium's usual tactic of in-app marketing. A mix of their standard adverts, pitches for their other games, and crucially to Gabriel a large helping of ads for Elysium products. Crowley had to admit he could see the cold brilliance of the idea. Hook people into the app with the promise of them being able to do something good for others at no cost to themselves. Then use it as a vehicle to promote both companies. Positive publicly and an addictive advertising platform all in one simple app. The extra revenue generated would almost certainly offset the costs of the actual charitable donations.

"Obviously we want to get this developed as quickly as possible, to take full advantage of the current situation." the one called Michael said to much head nodding from everyone else in the call "That's why we came to your company. You already have apps tailored to the structure we had in mind, and you are known for rapid development."

"Of course, of course. We’re excited to make this a top priority.” Hastur responded, their expert at toadying up to corporate partners.

“That is why we were thinking of making one of our leading app developers available to work directly with your company representative. To facilitate in the initial planning stage and help speed things along. Anthony Crowley is one of our key players"

Oh shit that was him, that's why he was part of the call.

"I'm sure he will be delighted to work on this project full time and will happily make himself available to your representative whenever they need him"

Happy was not exactly the word Crowley would have used here.

"Absolutely delighted" he said hoping it sounded less sarcastic out loud than it did in his head.

"Excellent. “At this point Gabriel actually clapped his hands together, "As our head of public outreach we'll leave Aziraphale to work directly with your man then. They can get started once we've finished up this meeting. Meanwhile we will get our advertising team to get working on developing our adverts for the platform. We can all touch base again in a week or so. Does anyone have any suggestions or something they want to add before we wrap things up?"

He paused for the briefest of seconds before continuing.

"No? Right then, lets..."

"Actually I, err actually had something I wanted to suggest"

Crowley wondered if Aziraphale had realised that his literal hand wringing was visible to everyone via his video feed.

"Oh very well, come on then Aziraphale out with it?"

"Given that the point of the app is to give something back during this crisis. Perhaps we could dedicate some of the advertising time to other relevant charities. Give people the chance to donate directly perhaps."

"No I don't think so Aziraphale. Really, I feel like you have completely missed the point of this app. If consumers are giving money to Charites directly we can’t claim it as a tax deductible. Why don't you just focus on implementing the plan we've outlined there's a good fellow. Now I think it's time we leave you and Mr, uhh, Crawley [4] there to get on with things. "

Everyone else left the meeting with varying degrees of politeness in their farewells, until just Crowley and Aziraphale remained. After a few moments of awkward silence Crowley fumbled for a way to start a conversation.

"Well that went down like a lead balloon."

"Sorry, what was that?"

"I said well that went down like a lead balloon, the whole adding in charity adverts thing"

"Oh. Yes, it did rather."

Crowley belated realised that bringing up your new colleagues failed idea was probably not the best opening conversational gambit.

"I thought it was a good idea myself. It would have been an excellent way to actually boost support for the Charites." Aziraphale looked pleased at that, smiling for the first time. There was something so genuine about that smile. It made Crowley want to keep talking, so he carried on recklessly. "Gabriel seems like a bit or a prick if you ask me"

The smile on Aziraphale’s face abruptly faltered. Crowley berated himself, insulting the man's co-worker, clearly the perfect follow up to highlighting his failure. That’s some top notch conversational skills right there.

"My cousin can be a bit direct at times, but that’s just his way. The family business is so important to him you see. I'm sure what he's decided must be the best outcome. He knows so much more about business than I do."

Crowley should probably come up with some kind of response but he was too busy having a mild panic attack. Aziraphale was one of the Ingel family, the ones who owned Elysium and several other subsidiary businesses. And here Crowley was insulting another family member to his face. Maybe he should just call it a day and start job hunting now. Submit his resignation before Bea had the chance to call and fire him.

“Shall we, err, crack on then do you think? You’re going to have to explain rather a lot to me. I don’t know much about apps, I’m afraid.”

Right yes, Crowley could do this, he just had to talk about his work. Be professional.

He flashed his best charming smile, “What do you want to know?”

The conversation stayed on relatively safe ground after that. Aziraphale had not been kidding when he said he didn’t know much about apps. He had seemed to listen keenly to Crowley’s explanations though. When the conversation had got around to the original point of the app it had been Aziraphale’s turn to speak enthusiastically. Expounding on the virtues of the charity and the importance of the work they were doing. He even mentioned how nice all the lovely fellows down at his local foodbank were, whenever he popped in with a box of donations. Before all this had started of course.

They had reached a point where they had done everything they could for the day. Establishing a time to talk again tomorrow. It was only when Crowley had glanced away to edit his online calendar that he realised how much time had passed. They had been talking for hours. His eyes were going to be killing him later after staring at a screen without his glasses for so long. Trying to focus on Aziraphale through the terrible quality of his video feed hadn’t exactly helped either.

“I have to ask, is there something wrong with your webcam? Your picture quality is terrible.”

Ah excellent his brain to mouth filter was broken again, ending the call without insulting Aziraphale again had obviously been too much to hope for.

“Oh I don’t tend to have my own video on”

Fortunately, Aziraphale didn’t seem to be too insulted. He leant forward peering intently at his screen whilst clicking his mouse so loudly it was audible over the video call.

“Right there we go, I can see myself now. Oh you’re right it’s not a very good picture at all is it? The webcam is just an old thing I hadn’t used in years. It’s been collecting dust in a box somewhere. I only pulled it out for the meeting today. I should probably order myself something newer, I suppose”

“You’d have thought they would have provided you with a webcam, a big company like Elysium.”

“Oh they did, some fancy, expensive, doodad [5] as soon as we went into lockdown.”

“What happened to it?”

“Er,” Aziraphale looked sheepish at this point.

“Broken it already have you?”

“I gave it away” Aziraphale muttered almost inaudibly.

“You what?”

“I gave it away! There’s this lovely couple next door, and well the dear fellow is a key worker for the NHS you see. He’s staying with a colleague so he doesn’t risk bring something back home to her, and well the poor dears expecting. So I handed it over, said they should use it to keep in contact, no need to thank me. Oh I do hope I don’t get anyone into any trouble”

Catching himself in the video Crowley realised he was staring at his screen, with a goofy expression on his face.

“I’m sure it will be fine, I doubt anyone else noticed and I won’t tell anybody Angel.” Oh hell where had that last word come from, maybe he should just give up on talking altogether.

“Oh that’s a relief, thank you my dear.” Aziraphale was beaming at him, either not noticing Crowley’s slip or choosing to ignore it. “It has been bothering me. I would hate to have done the wrong thing. Well anyway, I suppose I should be going. We’ll talk again tomorrow then?”

“Yeah tomorrow, course” Crowley managed to answer, knocked out slightly by the force of that smile.

“Splendid, see you then my dear” Aziraphale had said ending the video call.

Crowley was left staring at his screen. His head replaying the end of the conversation over the sound of his rapidly beating heart.

Well, he was fucked. 

[1] Crowley has decided early into the lockdown that he was going to go insane if he didn’t take the Bentley out for a drive every now and again. Besides driving the way he did in a car without power steering should easily count as his allowed hour of daily exercise.

[2]The closest Pandemonium came to a harmonious office culture was the unspoken agreement that everybody went by just their surnames [3] . Crowley had worked with Ligur for three years and still had absolutely no idea what his first name was. Given what he did know about the man however, he wasn’t particularly sad about it.

[3] The only exception was Bea. They thought they had managed to convince the office to call them by their preferred nickname out of sheer force of will. It was actually because everyone else had collectively decided it was short for Beelzebub.

[4] Given how the expressions on his co-workers faces went from mildly constipated to overly delighted at this slip up, Crowley figured this was going to be his new name at the office for probably the rest of eternity.

[5] The way Aziraphale said that reminded Crowley of the way his dentist spoke about sugary drinks. Her tone making it obvious that if she had to acknowledge that such things existed she wanted to make it absolutely clear to everyone listening that she in no way approved.


End file.
